One Day I'll Fly Away
by Ava Sinclair
Summary: Leah Clearwater has broken away from the pack and made her way alone, but to truly move on, she must confront Sam, Emily, and a few harsh truths along the way...the third of three days that will change the course of Leah's life forever.


_Leah wants to move on with her life after Sam, but before she can she needs to confront the people that hurt her most, one last time… A follow up to my two Leah one-shots, Independence Day and A Day Without Rain.  
_

This fic is the third and final one shot for my Leah mini series. It can be read on its own but will make more sense if you read the other two or at least _A Day Without Rain_, first. The story is rated T for some mild language.

Huge and belated thanks to Navirae, Sideadde, and Smellyia for all the brainstorming and encouragement. I'd be lost without y'all.

**_One Day I'll Fly Away_**

Did the whole world do nothing but sleep?

For what was at least the hundredth time, I stopped pacing my small bedroom long enough to cast a sullen look out my window at the blue sky above. Sunshine two days in a row…that had to be some kind of record. It had blanketed La Push with light at what I would have normally considered an indecently early hour, but today was different. Today's dawn was going to bring me so much than just the normal hours that I drudged through, and I'd been so eager for it that I'd stayed up all night, making my plans in the nocturnal silence, and counting the minutes until I could put them into motion.

And now, the sun had risen on my personal horizon and yet I waited, staring at the clock that ticked so infuriatingly slow, hands still pointing to an hour that I couldn't, with any semblance of politeness, demand wakefulness from everyone that I needed action from. Even my mother still slept, she who was normally up at the crack of dawn.

I resumed my pacing, though even that was distinctly lacking in any type of satisfaction. It took me precisely eleven steps to cross from one side of the room to the other – I'd been counting them for hours. I wished I had something to occupy my mind but nothing could hold me still.

As I walked, I shot a longing look out the window. What I really needed now was a nice long run, but I couldn't risk phasing at the moment. It was grating that the only benefits of my burdensome legacy, the freedom and strength it afforded me, were always offset by the lack of privacy. Right now, I needed my thoughts to be my own.

I looked away from the window and tried to divert my thoughts but it was too late. I shouldn't have thought of running. The forest called to me now, beckoning from beyond my window. Abruptly, the walls seemed to shrink in on me, and my breathing became rapid, shallow, my being vibrating with need. Instinct battled for dominancy within me, demanding my body give in to the wildness that wanted to reshape my features, free me from this form and all the limitations that came with it.

As the sudden claustrophobia began to overwhelm me the air in the room became dank, stagnant, and I staggered to the window, shoving it open and taking deep, welcome breaths of the fresh air that poured in. That made it both better and worse. Worse because I could smell it so much clearly now, the pine of the trees, the freshness of the earth below, the mingled musk of the animals that moved industriously in the shadows while the day was still cool.

I would not have been able to resist much longer, would have leapt from the window in a moment but just then, the phone on my nightstand began to shrill, breaking the spell abruptly. I was across the room in an instant, picking up the receiver before the first ring was completed.

"Hello?" My voice was breathy.

"Leah? It's Jennifer."

Behind the familiar voice of my old high school friend, I could hear the sounds of muffled conversation and dishes clanking, reassuring me that at least someone's world was brimming with life, unlike in my sleepy corner.

"Yes?" I couldn't think of the right niceties as my fingers played an impatient drum on the surface of the night table.

Jennifer must have sensed my impatience. Her words toppled over each other. "So I talked to my boss and he went for it, just like I told you he would. As long as you don't give him grief about the hours, the job is yours. Just be here by tomorrow afternoon."

I couldn't restrain the grin that spread across my face. "Jen, I owe you. Tell him I will be there. Thank you so much."

Jennifer laughed. "It's just a waitressing job, Leah. After a week of suffering along with me you won't be able to believe you ever wanted it."

"Oh, I will. Believe me. You have no idea what this means to me. Thanks again. I'll see you soon." With that, I hung up the phone, my hands trembling with barely suppressed excitement.

The sound of a door opening down the hall caught my attention. Mom was awake. I hadn't gotten to the phone fast enough. Quietly, I crept to my door and cracked it open, listening. With my heightened hearing, I could hear every soft, slippered footstep as she walked into the hall, pausing for a moment, and then continuing on into the kitchen.

I hesitated for a moment and then picked up the cardboard box that I'd carried down from the attic the night before and slipped into the hallway myself, following her.

I stopped as I reached the kitchen doorway. My mother's voice floated towards me, the sound of her whispering alerting me more than her normal tones would have. Was someone else here? I cocked my head, listening, but heard no other voices. Seth wasn't known for stealth, so if he was here, he was asleep. She must be on the phone.

"I'm worried, Charlie." I heard her murmur, and I imagined her craning her head to see if I was nearby. "Leah didn't say a word to me when she got home. She was on the phone half the night and digging around in the attic for God knows what the other half. I have no idea what's going on with her. As if that's anything new." I winced guiltily at the frustration in her voice.

There was a pause and I mentally filled in Charlie's platitudes in my head. Whatever he did say must have been close to what I'd imagined because Mom heaved a sigh. "Thank you. I know I'm probably over-reacting. It's just that I'm afraid the news about Sam and Emily might be the last – yes, you're right. I'll keep an eye on her. No, you don't need to come over, but - ."

Silently, I walked backwards on my toes and stepped forward again, much more loudly then before. I heard my mother's low gasp in response.

"She's up, Charlie. I have to go. I'll call you if I need you." Hastily, she hung up the phone. I set my box down right outside the kitchen doorway and walked inside.

"Good morning, Leah." False cheer rang through her tone, and her lips quivered nervously.

"Hey," I shrugged, and for an awkward moment we stared at each other warily, each of us no doubt struggling for something to say. For not the first time, I wondered when we'd become near strangers instead of mother and daughter, nothing left of our relationship except for stilted silences and unspoken words.

Finally, Mom cleared her throat. "Seth stayed at the Cullens last night." Her lips thinned in displeasure. "Are you going back over there today?"

I shook my head. "No. Don't worry so much though. He'll be fine."

"Of course." Her eyes betrayed disbelief and under normal circumstances, she would have argued. I was getting tired of the kid glove treatment.

I could see her searching for something else to say. "Well, if you don't have plans then perhaps we could do something." If I'd been hoping for sincerity in her words, the doubtful look on her face would have been extremely disappointing.

I shook my head, already tired of partnering her in this dance of politeness. "Actually, I've got some errands to run, so…" I nodded towards the door.

"Oh?" Was that genuine disappointment on her face? I felt a twinge of guilt. Maybe I'd underestimated her.

"Are you sure going out is such a good idea?" Mom's next words were pointed and I sighed. Nope, it wasn't disappointment; just her possibly justified fear that I might have really lost it this time and be on my way out to slaughter half the reservation.

"It's fine, Mom." I struggled to keep the annoyance out of my voice. "I've got to go."

"But – " she looked around as if a good excuse for me to stay might come walking up to her, and brightened as her gaze lit on the stove. "Can't you stay for breakfast at least? I can make you pancakes. Eggs and sausage too."

At that, my stomach rumbled loudly enough for us both to hear it, and victory lit her eyes. "I'll get started," she murmured, a slightly smug smile curving her lips as she hurried to the cupboard and began pulling out pans.

Six pancakes, ten sausages, and nearly a dozen eggs later I was feeling comfortably full. Mom's smug expression had only deepened as she'd watched me devour plate after plate.

"You know, if you stick around, I'll fry some chicken for lunch…" she hinted. The woman was shameless.

I shook my head, relieved to feel amused by her machinations, instead of resentful. "Not going to work, Mom, sorry."

I stood up to go, and Mom stood up as well. The earlier amusement had died out of her face, and her gaze was suspicious now, almost as if she could see right through me. "Do you want to fill me in on what's so urgent?"

"No." I allowed my tone to become acerbic, reaching for my usual cold demeanor like a protective cloak to ward her off. I walked out of the kitchen and leaned down to retrieve my box, looking up to see her standing in the doorway, watching me.

"What's in the box?"

I moistened my lips. "Just some old stuff I thought I'd get rid of."

Mom walked forward, gesturing. "From the attic? Let me see. I might want to keep – "

"No!" I yanked the box away before she could look and surprise colored her features.

"Leah…" To my surprise, she followed me to the door. "You can talk to me, you know."

I turned around, one hand on the doorknob. "Since when?"

Hurt flared into her eyes and she stepped back, away from me, resignation sagging her shoulders. Mission accomplished. I turned and walked out the door.

I didn't let myself think about where I was going, at least at first. Instead, I moved automatically, my body following the path as if I was operating off of my own personal GPS system. One block down. Right turn. Four more blocks. Third house down, right hand side. The yellow one.

Now that my destination was in sight, I couldn't dam up the doubts that began to barrage their way through my mental walls. Yesterday, it had all seemed so clear, so obvious that I needed to do this. I was so fixated on that certainty that it had almost seemed easy. Now that I was here, in front of Sam and Emily's house, I didn't feel sure of anything.

As I approached, I noted that there was no car in the driveway. Disappointment battled with relief within me. I'd spent all night building up this scenario in my head, and I didn't want the rug pulled out from under me after I'd made up my mind. Still, there was that quiet part of me that wondered if I could handle this, or whether one last confrontation was going to make every thing worse.

A sudden burst of laughter from behind the house rang out, and I froze. I knew that laugh, every nuance of it. It had once been my siren's call. For an instant, it felt as though my heart had stopped and then it started up again, hammering blood through my veins until I felt light-headed. A cacophony of clangs and banging told me that Sam was out back, working, no doubt, on his 69 Camaro SS. The realization pierced me, another bitter tinged needle in my heart. I knew that car so well. I'd been with him when he'd bought it, or at least the hollowed out shell it had been then, from the auto wreck yard. Unbidden and unwelcome, the memories unfolded.

"_You can't possibly be serious, Sam. This is going to take up most of your savings!"_

"_Oh, come on, Leah. It's an investment. I'm going to need a car when I start college anyway." He grinned down at me, fully expecting that his easy going charm was going to shut me down before I could really get started. And he was right, but I made one last stand anyway._

"_You'll need a car that works, Sam, not this piece of junk. It will take you forever to get this running." I'd crossed my arms over my chest and frowned, trying to ignore the fingers that were climbing up my back and then caressing my neck._

"_Jake can fix anything. If I can get him to help me, we'll be cruising down the highway by summer." Sam tilted up my head and smiled at my scowl. "I'll paint it red for you, because it's your favorite," he murmured, his voice lowering as the junkyard clerk rolled his eyes. "Think about it, Leah. A beautiful car to match my beautiful girl." His lips had come closer and closer and just as my eyes had fallen shut, the clerk cleared his throat loudly and we jumped apart, blushing and smiling sheepishly._

I remembered now, that even as I'd complained, I had imagined it just as he said, the two of us in the front seat of the car, his eyes lit up and his fingers entwined with mine. We'd have the music blaring, something classic like Janis Joplin or the Stones, as we hit the freeway that would lead us away from Forks forever and take us all the way to our happy ending. The future had been so certain, laid out before us. Everything was full of promise. I'd felt so different then, so light. My happiness had cast rainbows on everything in my sight, prisms of color that even the gray of Forks could not dim. Even now, when I looked back on the cloudy, wet days I'd spent with Sam, the memories seemed to shimmer with that luminous spectrum.

But there were darker times ahead, shadows I could have never imagined. Just a month later, Sam had disappeared. When I had discovered he was missing, the rainbows went gray and the bottom fell out of my world. Those weeks were endless, terrifying, full of non-stop nightmares, pacing, bargaining. I whispered my promises into the night skies and the dark dawns - what I would give up if he'd just come back home, what I'd exchange for his life. How I would be a better person, kinder, wiser, understanding…how I'd make sure that I deserved him this time.

My prayers were answered but when Sam had come back, nothing had been the same. It was like some other spirit had taken up residence inside his skin. Something was haunting him, and he wouldn't tell me what. I missed his laugh, his warm stare, and his wandering hands. I missed the way he used to look at me, like I could make everything better for him. I felt so helpless, like I was losing him all over again, but excruciatingly slowly, a millimeter at a time. The fact that he didn't seem to care, that he refused to explain, made it so much worse. He'd would go away for hours, sometimes even days, terrifying me all over again. He kept secrets and snapped at me when I pressed him too hard.

But I remembered my secret vows and I forced myself not to mourn for what had gone from us. I had no time for that. I had a mission, and that was to bring Sam back, to make him smile once more, to make him into the Sam that had fallen in love with me. I was going to make him whole again.

I let that goal consume my life. I devoted everything I had to it. The dreams that I'd had before, my plans for college and the future, seemed a selfish diversion in the face of it. Sam _was_ my future. Without him, it all seemed so pointless. So when he growled, when he withdrew more, when he lied to me, I blamed myself. I believed that I wasn't trying hard enough, and redoubled my efforts. There were moments when I thought I was succeeding, times that I'd see light flare into his face again, feel the love in his embrace, and it made all the worst moments, the pain and uncertainty that had become such a constant in my life, seem bearable. I still had hope.

Until the day I had brought home Emily.

A sharp pain, and the taste of iron, brought me back out of my memories. I realized that I had bitten my lip hard enough to draw blood. Impatiently, I licked the crimson drop away, knowing that the tiny wound would be healed in seconds. My clenched fists ached, and I wondered how long I had been standing there, lost in thought.

Not long enough to be discovered, apparently. The sound of tools grinding and the occasional rev of a sputtering engine continued unabated. Sam's voice rose and fell in bursts of conversation. The laugh of the person with him was just as familiar in a different way, and I frowned, listening. I hadn't been expecting this potential obstacle.

I took a deep breath. No more time to second guess myself. It was time to get this over with. I marched up the driveway and around the side of the house, knowing the sound of my feet crunching the gravel next to the garage would signal to them long before I appeared in view.

Sure enough, when I appeared around the side of the house, Sam and Jake were both frozen into place, staring in my direction. Jake's expression wasn't as condemning as I expected. He looked surprised, certainly, but his black eyes were benign as they studied me.

Sam, on the other hand, looked completely astounded. His mouth hung slightly open as he stared at me. I looked back, hoping my face gave no sign of how my heart clenched at the sight of him, of how badly I wanted to reach back into the past and be the Leah that would have walked to him and wiped the smudge of grease off of his face. But that Leah had gone long ago, and if I needed reminding that the Sam who had loved her was just a memory as well, I got it in the tightening of his face as he gazed at me.

Refusing to show any type of reaction to his expression, I turned to Jacob. "I didn't expect to see you here. Why aren't you dancing attendance on your little half-breed?"

Jacob pulled an exaggeratedly patient face, as if dealing with a temperamental child. "Haven't had a chance to hang out here for a while and I figured it's about time Sam and I got the Camaro running."

"Yeah," I spoke dully, looking at the primer gray car. "It looks good." I couldn't help but wonder if they were still going to paint it red; pour some more salt in my wound.

Sam cleared his throat now, and I couldn't avoid meeting his eyes any longer. Slowly, I turned to face him, hoping my face was still blank and unreadable.

"Leah," his voice was flat as he said my name. "This is unexpected."

I deliberately matched his flat tone. "I came to see Emily. Is she home?"

Jake raised an eyebrow. Sam's face grew warier. He stared at me like he did so often now. Like I was something dangerous; a rattlesnake he'd accidentally come across, hiding in the tall grass.

"She went to the grocery store," he finally managed to bite out, the words oozing with reluctance.

I shrugged. "I'm not in a hurry. I'll just wait inside." I turned towards the back door, knowing without asking that it would be unlocked.

I hadn't taken a step before his voice rang out to stop me. "I don't think that's a good idea."

I closed my eyes and took a long breath before I turned back to him; ready for the battle that I had known all along was coming. "I'm not asking your permission. Besides, I thought you wanted me to talk to Emily. How many times did you ask me, Sam? Beg me, even? _'She misses you, Leah. If you'd just sit down with her, clear the air…"_ I mocked the often spoken words.

Sam's lips thinned in a disapproving line that reminded me of a much older man, self-righteous and dour. "Things are different now. Emily is – " he broke off abruptly.

"Pregnant." My voice was laced with ice. "Yes, I know. Belated congratulations on the shotgun wedding, by the way. If' I had known, I would have gotten you a nice blender."

"Leah…" Jake's voice was low, a careful warning.

Sam's lip curled. "And that right there proves exactly why I'm not letting you anywhere near my wife. She doesn't need to be upset in her condition."

I gritted my teeth. "Emily doesn't need to be shielded. She can make her own decision. I say we ask her when she gets here. If she wants me to leave, I'll leave."

Sam folded his arms across his chest and stepped towards me. "You're leaving _now_."

I surveyed his defensive stance, raising a defiant eyebrow. "And how exactly are you gong to make me?"

Sam blew out an exasperated sigh and looked over at Jake. "Are you going to do something about this? She's your responsibility now."

My grin instantly faded and a hiss sounded from between my clenched teeth. Jacob looked from Sam to me, and then back to him. His brow furrowed in thought, and then, unexpectedly, he grinned.

"Sorry, Sam. I'm staying out of this one. It's between you guys." His grin faded, and his tone became serious as he looked at his long time friend. "You knew this would happen at some point. Might as well deal with it now."

With that, he sauntered over to a ragged lawn chair a few feet away and threw himself in it, turning back to stare at us with the air of someone getting ready to enjoy a good show.

Sam shot him an irritated look and turned back to me. "Leah, I have put up with a lot from you but you're going way too far. I don't want to force you to leave, but I will if I have to. Don't make me do this. Just go now. _Please_."

"No."

"I am warning you…" He was pursing his mouth so tightly that he could barely get the words out.

I held my ground, flexing my fingers expectantly, and couldn't help but smile widely as he stepped towards me, the beginning of a growl in his throat. "Are we really going to do to this? Don't say it if you don't mean it, Sam. No one likes a tease."

Sam dropped his stance then, lowering into a crouch, and adrenaline began to pump through me in response to his cues. I measured the distance between me and the back door with my eyes, trying to envision how he'd come at me. As I glanced, I saw Jake tense, sitting ramrod straight in the lawn chair, his face both anticipatory and worried.

I turned back towards Sam and grinned, my opening salvo, and stepped towards the door. As soon as I moved, he did, his figure blurring as he moved towards me…

Several minutes later, I leaned over, hands on my knees, panting. My breath came in shaky gasps. My arms ached, and I knew if I had still been fully human they'd be sporting finger shaped bruises by now. My hair had come out of my ponytail and was tangled around my face, strands sticking to my forehead. For a moment I stood still, catching my breath and silently assessing any damage. My ribs ached as well but even now I could feel the healing begin, knitting my small wounds together and fading my aches into nothingness. I straightened up as the last lingering pains dissipated; realizing belatedly that I'd lost a shoe. Surveying the lawn before me, I spotted it, dust covered and upended a few inches from my foot. I limped forward and picked it up, leaning on the trunk of the nearby Camaro for support as I forced it back onto my foot.

"Leah!" Sam's voice was muffled. A series of bangs and thumps came from beneath my resting hand, shaking the car slightly. I couldn't help the smirk that shaped my lips as I re-tied my shoelaces.

"Yes, Sam?"

"Let me the hell out of here!" He banged even louder against the inside of the trunk.

I ignored his request, turning to lean my elbows against the car and resting my chin on my hands. "You know, Sam, I'm disappointed. You could have totally taken me, but you had to do the gallant bit and hold back just because I'm female. You didn't even phase. Sucker."

"Dammit, Leah!" The car rocked harder.

I snickered loud enough for Sam to hear, and he swore in response, doubling the blows to the inside of the trunk. "And thanks a lot for your help, Jake!" His strangled shout sounded across the lawn.

I heard a muffled choking coming from the direction of Jake's lawn chair, but didn't acknowledge it as I listened to Sam's faint voice.

"Come on, this isn't funny anymore!" His shout was tinged with desperation.

"I don't know, Sam. I think it's still pretty funny. Do you think it's funny, Jake?" I looked over at him.

Tears poured down Jake's ruddy face as he tried to respond, but couldn't get the words out as he wheezed with merriment, his hands wrapped around his stomach. "Can't…breathe…" he gasped after a moment.

"I'm going to go inside now and wait for Emily." I looked back down at the car. "Don't go anywhere!" I couldn't resist adding.

"Why are you doing this, Leah?" Sam's voice was quieter now, defeated, stopping me after only a step.

I sobered as I thought about his words for a moment, and then I leaned closer to the trunk. "Because long before you ever came along, Sam, it was me and her. Leah and Emily. And you've come between us for the last time."

I didn't wait for a reply. As I turned towards the back door, Jake suddenly stood up from the chair and stepped in my path, his face serious now.

I sighed. "Not you as well. I don't think there's room in the trunk for both of you."

Jake smiled slightly. "I'm not going to try and stop you."

I frowned at him. "Good. Move."

"I just need to say one thing first."

I glowered at him, silently waiting.

He took a deep breath. "Whatever you're going to say to her, you have a right to it. It's just…there's been enough damage done already, and there's more to consider now then Emily and Sam. Just…be sure that whatever you're about to do is worth it."

I bit back the automatic retort and watched him in silence for a moment, thinking over his words and then sincerity on his face. "I really – " I bit my lip and then blurted it out before I could change my mind. "I didn't expect you to back me on this. Thank you."

Jacob shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I owe you one. I know I overreacted yesterday over you taking Nessie out. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt instead of going high and mighty leader on you."

I wrinkled my nose. "I didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. I only did it to piss you off." I admitted.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Tell yourself that if you want."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean. It was more than that to you."

I opened my mouth to argue but changed my mind before the words left my mouth. I didn't have time to correct Jacob's asinine assumptions. "Whatever." I stepped past him, and stopped. "Wait a second." I reached into the box and grabbed the book lying on top. "Give this to _Ren_ for me." I deliberately emphasized the name as he frowned.

Jacob took the book and looked at the cover in surprise. "Charlotte's Web?" He shook his head and started to hand it back to me. "_Nessie_ doesn't like children's books," He said, deliberately putting emphasis on Nessie just as I had with Ren.

"_Ren_ will like this one. Trust me." I shoved the hand holding the book away. He still looked mystified, and possibly a bit irritated by my new nickname for his kiddie betrothed. After a moment though, he lifted his shoulders in resignation and took the book back.

I looked over Jacob's shoulder at the Camaro, which was rocking again. "Let him out whenever you want."

Jake looked over as well, his brow wrinkled. "I don't know if I have the key, actually."

The air was immediately filled with the sound of Sam's stifled curses, and I grinned as I made my way to the back door and let myself into the house.

I took a deep breath as I shut the door behind me, turning, my back still against it as if I might need to make a quick escape. I'd been inside Emily and Sam's home before, for pack meetings, but I'd tried those sojourns as brief as possible. Now I forced myself to look around. The kitchen was small, like the rest of the house, but homey. Emily had added the touches that were so very her…the bright paint on the walls, the vase full of flowers on the aged table, the hand painted tiles in a neat row above the stove. It was a picture perfect scene…'welcome to our happy home', and I made myself acknowledge it, to picture everything I'd tried to shut out for the past year. This was the kitchen where Emily made Sam's meals, where they laughed and shared stories about their day. This is the kitchen where Emily will feed their child someday.

I sighed, walking across the small kitchen to put my box on the counter and began to pace back and forth. I don't know how many minutes ticked by as I walked aimlessly. It was the sound of the car door slamming outside that stopped me in my tracks, tense with anticipation. I listened as light footsteps walked across the driveway, up the steps to the porch, and pushed open the door.

Emily walked right into the adjoining dining room without seeing me. I watched her deposit her brown grocery bag on the table without looking my way and then begin to dig out the contents and put them next to the bag; a giant package of hamburger, cartons of egg, milk… As she worked her eyes were far away, dreamy, a small smile playing around her lips.

As I watched her, I ached in a different way than I had for so long, a longing that had been long overlooked in the windstorm of fury and loss I'd felt over Sam. I used to braid the long, sleek black hair that hung down her back. The hands that were busy sorting groceries used to be the first to reach out and comfort me when I needed it. The cruelest thing now about her face wasn't the angry scars that marred half of it…it was that it now seemed to belong to a stranger.

I must have moved involuntarily, because Emily looked up abruptly. Her eyes searched me out, standing there next to the counter, and she gasped loudly, dropping the can of frozen juice she held. It hit the table and fell again to the floor, rolling across the weathered wood to stop next to my foot.

"Leah!" Her voice was stunned and she stared at me like I was a mirage that might disappear if she got too close.

I closed my eyes, everything that I had planned to say escaping me. "I didn't mean to scare you." I managed finally.

Emily shook her head, still looking stunned. "No, it's fine. You're always welcome. You know that."

Words returned to me at that, but they were all coldly sarcastic, so I choked them back with considerable effort. Instead I reached down and picked up the juice can. "I'll help you put this stuff away."

Emily looked a bit nonplussed at that but she nodded. We didn't speak as we worked, except for a few muttered questions about where things should go. The bag emptied quickly, and I still hadn't thought of anything to say as I reached in for the last item.

I pulled it out and froze. A pair of impossibly tiny, yellow knit booties lay in my hands. Emily looked from them to me and her brown skin bloomed burgundy. "I – " She stared at me helplessly.

"Don't worry. I already knew." I took a deep breath and crossed the room to her, handing her the booties. "I suppose congratulations are in order."

"Thank you." Emily murmured, looking as deeply uncomfortable as I felt. I saw that she was nervously playing with the gold band on her left hand.

"I know about that too." I told her, answering her unspoken question.

"I see." She took a step back, still twisting her hands. "Where is Sam?"

I shrugged. "Out back, working on his Camaro." As if in response, a distant banging started up again. "Sounds like he's really into it." I struggled to keep the smirk off my face.

Emily nodded, though she still looked faintly puzzled. With a sigh, she turned her gaze back to the booties in her hands. "I shouldn't have bought these. It's too soon." She looked down at the bump that was barely visible underneath her cotton dress. "They were so adorable. I just couldn't resist."

Her smile was sheepish and her eyes were far away for a moment before her expression became aware again. I realized I had backed away, and my hands were clenching the counter I was pressed up against.

"Why are you here, Leah?" Emily's voice was direct now, matter of fact.

"I – " Once again, my voice dried up. I fumbled for words and my eyes fell on the box I'd left on the counter. "I brought you something." Quickly, I dug through the haphazard jumble in the box and extracted a worn stuffed elephant. It had once been pink, but time had faded its worn fabric. The ears were ragged, the nose scuffed, and still Emily stared at it like it was a long lost treasure.

"Ellie!" She gasped after a moment and reached for it. "Oh, I haven't seen her in years! You had it all this time?"

I shrugged. "You left it at my house when you decided you were too big for her, remember?" I gestured at 'Ellie', seeing so clearly now the small girl who'd clung to her toy elephant, clutching it close to her chest whenever she spent the night with me.

Emily nodding now, her eyes glinting as she surveyed the toy in her hand. "I remember now. I didn't want to throw her away so I thought if I left her at your house, it wouldn't really be like getting rid of her. I knew you'd keep her safe for me, even if you thought it was stupid…" her voice trailed off.

"I thought you might want it now, you know, for the – " I gestured at her stomach, not finishing my sentence.

Emily seemed unable to speak. Uncomfortable with the way she was staring at me, I turned away and abruptly upended the box onto her kitchen table. "There's more – just some stuff I found in the attic that maybe you'll want now, to pass on. There was a whole box of stuff we used to play with." I gestured to it but she was staring at me now, her eyes glistening.

"Oh, Leah…thank you!" Her eyes became watery and she sniffled loudly. Tears were impending and I suddenly felt like I couldn't stand to see them.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come." I turned towards the back door but Emily was closer. Quickly, she positioned herself between me and it.

"Please don't leave. I'm just a little emotional, I guess. Hormones, that's all. I've wanted to talk to you for so long." Her smile quivered at the corners. "Whatever you have to say to me, I'm ready to hear it."

I turned back to her, resigned. Emily waited for a moment and then sighed when I didn't break the silence. "Would you like some tea? I know you prefer coffee but we're out at the moment. Caffeine's not good for the baby." She flushed again slightly as she moved towards the stove.

I waited quietly as Emily filled the teapot and got it boiling, then fished two teabags down for us. She nodded at me to follow her to the table, then handed me my cup. I sipped at it in silence.

Finally, Emily sighed. "Should I start?"

I shrugged. "Go ahead."

Emily stared down at her cup for a long time. When she looked back at me, her dark eyes were damp. "You have no idea how sorry I am, Leah. For everything. Neither one of us ever wanted to hurt you."

I squeezed my eyes shut at her words. My fingers were clenched so tightly around the hot mug that I was afraid I might crack it. "What either of you wanted to do was irrelevant. You hurt me anyway."

"I know." Emily whispered. "And I know that having to hear about the marriage and the baby secondhand just makes it worse. I should have told you myself."

"Yes." My voice was flat. "You should have."

She flinched slightly and I sighed to myself. Everything was coming out wrong. I hadn't come here to hurl accusations but it was all I knew how to do. All I _wanted_ to do. The regret that saturated her every word didn't stop them from cutting into me and rubbing salt into my wounds. I was ready for this to be over, to try to move on with my life, so why couldn't it just stop hurting? Why did looking at her have to burn so much?

"I have to go, Emily." I stood up from the table abruptly. "If I stay here, I'm going to say things…I'm going to hurt you. I don't want to do it anymore."

"Leah, don't." As if she'd anticipated my move, Emily was already on her feet too. "I have missed you so much. I know that you don't believe it, but not a day has gone by I haven't felt like a part of me was missing without you. You've always been my best friend. I want to make this right. Please give me a chance. I just want everything to be back the way it was."

"Well, it can't be!" I couldn't hold it back anymore. "You can't have it both ways, Emily. You can't just destroy my life, take the man I loved, and then wipe it away with a few apologies and a bucketful of tears. You are so selfish, you know that? You want everything. You want the fairytale, and the prince, and for me to smile and play my role in your happy little fantasy too. Sorry, but it doesn't work like that. I'm not going to pretend I'm OK just to make you feel better."

Emily bent slightly under my verbal onslaught, but her face was determined, as if she'd prepared for this and was determined to stick it out.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"Sorry? _Sorry?_ Is that all you know how to say?" I couldn't seem to stop. My fingernails were digging into my palms; my body twisted towards the door, but I couldn't make myself move.

"What else do you want me to say, Leah?" Her voice was a pained whisper.

"Something else! Anything! Say something _real_, Emily. Tell me why. Make me understand." I clenched my fists tighter and felt the slight sting as my fingernails broke through skin.

Emily shook her head now, looking faintly bewildered. The flush had drained out of her warm skin and she looked suddenly gaunt; haunted. A part of me wept at what I was doing to her. Another, more feral part rejoiced every time she winced; gloating at being able to return some of the pain I'd been feeling for so long.

"You know why," she finally managed. "The imprint…Sam couldn't help what he felt for me. He couldn't stop it. He had no control."

"But you did!" I shoved myself away from the table, straightening up to fix my stare on her. "That's why I blame you, Emily, so much more than him. He was a slave to something that none of us really understand, but you… You were _everything_ to me. I trusted you with everything I had. I never thought you'd be the one to take it all away."

Emily flinched. "That's not fair."

"Fair?" I spat. "That's one word you never get to use again. Not with me."

Emily shrank back, away from me and my wrath. She looked as though another word might break her in half. Her voice trembled. "I tried, Leah. I tried harder than you could ever imagine to resist him. I just couldn't help it."

"I know that." My own voice was quieter now. "I know you tried. But all that means to me in the end is that you chose him over me."

Emily shook her head in protest. "No, Leah!" Her voice cracked. "It's just…I love him."

I kept my voice a whisper now so she wouldn't hear it break. "What about me, Emily? To you, he should have been just another guy, not anyone you'd ever put before me. If it had been anyone else…but not _you!_ Why did it have to be you that betrayed me? You were supposed to be the one person I could rely on. You were supposed to love me more."

Emily drew back, her chin trembling. "It's no good, is it? I was so sure if I could get you to talk to me, if I could explain, I could make you understand. I thought at least you'd go away a little more at peace, that you'd be able to see that I never wanted to hurt you. But I was only making myself believe that, like you said, just to make myself feel better." Abruptly, she sat back down at the table, looking defeated. "I know it won't make any difference to you, Leah, but after – "

She raised a hand to her face, touching her scars lightly. "After what happened that night, with Sam, all the fight went out of me. You weren't there. I knew I'd lost you. Even if I'd never gone to him, you would have never forgiven me. You were already starting to hate me for being the one he wanted, whether you admit it or not. And when you weren't there, Sam was. I should have hated him, but…he _wanted _me. He looked at me like I was the only woman on Earth and after everything, who else would have wanted me? Who else would have ever looked at me like I was still whole? Maybe I'm an awful person, but I couldn't face it all alone. I couldn't be that strong. Not like you." She was sobbing now.

I was turned away now, eyes closed, as her words chipped at my conscience. I still wanted to walk away, to slam the door behind me and let her drown in her own shame and regret. But the images of her throughout our lives were ingrained into my soul, the memories of how much we had shared, the bond that had been between us since before we could walk. It had always been the two of us, together, and I'd never been able to imagine my life without her, never even thought that either of us could commit a transgression that was enormous enough to change how much we'd meant to each other

I turned back and forced myself to look at her. "I'm not that strong, Emily. If I was, I'd be able to understand. I'd be able to forgive you."

Hesitantly, Emily reached across the table. I saw her fingers approaching mine, and I watched in slow motion for a moment, as if it were a scene in a movie that I had no control over. At the last second, just as our hands were about to touch, I yanked mine back. She jumped as if stung, the pain of rejection clear on her marred features.

I forced myself to speak again. "You think you know why I can't, but you don't. Maybe if it was just about Sam, it would be easier. The one thing I can never let go of is what the both of you brought out of me. You ripped me wide open. Everything that was rotten, everything that I buried as far down in me as it would go…it came out for everyone to see. I became someone I never wanted to be. I can't help but wonder if that's why. If it's the real reason…"

Emily looked bewildered. "The real reason for what?"

"The real reason why I wasn't the one he was destined to be with."

I wasn't looking at her now. I felt nauseous, as if the rot I'd tried to describe had become physical now, burning a hole in my abdomen. I stared down at the scratches on the table. Emily's chair creaked as she adjusted her position. "What are you talking about, Leah?"

I couldn't hide the tears now. They upended my will, gathering in my eyes and then overflowing onto my face.

"You can tell me anything." Emily's voice was calm now, soothing.

"I'm not blind, Emily. I know you. You tried to hide it, but you wanted him from the beginning. I saw it, and you're right, I hated you because he wanted you. I hated you more because you wanted him back, even though I saw that you were trying so hard to turn him away. I couldn't tell you it was alright, that I loved you both enough to let you be happy. I couldn't be that unselfish. Maybe if I had been, it all would have been different. Maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

A small gasp came from Emily as she realized what I was getting at. I flashed her a warning look when she tried to speak and she fell instantly silent again.

"You think that's bad? It's not the worst of it. When I heard that you were in the hospital, do you know what the first thought I had was? Just for a second…but it was enough. I hoped that you would die, Emily."

I took a gasping breath. "I wanted you to disappear. I wanted Sam back. I wanted my life back. What kind of person makes a wish like that? What kind of human being am I that I would want my own cousin to die? That's when I realized that maybe…maybe there was a reason Sam imprinted on you and not me. Maybe he sensed how rotten I was underneath it all. Maybe he knew I didn't deserve him, that I didn't deserve anyone. Now do you understand? If I ever hated Sam, if I ever hated you, it's nothing compared to how much I have hated myself."

Should I have felt relief, that I had finally confessed it, the true vileness that had festered in my soul so long? I didn't. As soon as the words left my mouth and I couldn't take them back, I felt drained, empty. It was as if confessing my sins and letting go of all the anger and mis-placed hatred I'd clung to for so long meant giving away all that I had, like there was nothing left of me without it. I closed my eyes and waited for Emily's condemnation.

"Leah," she whispered after a moment. "Look at me."

I opened my eyes and waited.

Emily took a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. "So you resented me. So you wished for one second that you could have your life back. You know what that makes you? Human. _Not_ evil. _Not_ a monster."

The incomprehension I felt must have clearly shown on my face, because her voice became almost impatient. "Not only do you expect yourself to never exhibit any kind of weakness and spend months condemning yourself when you do, but as usual, you underestimate everyone who cares about you and our capacity to understand. You don't think I've ever been selfish or resentful? You think I never lie in bed at night and think about you and Sam? How everything that I share with him is something he's already experienced with you? How every bit of himself he gives to me is a piece he gave to you first? When he had the choice, he chose you. I had to be chosen for him. Sometimes I think maybe I could have hated you for being first but I don't want to feel that way. I won't drive myself crazy with what could have beens."

I shook my head as she slumped back into her seat, her rant apparently over. "I couldn't do that. I couldn't be accepting like you are."

Emily shook her head. "Of course not. It's not in your nature. You don't accept anything blindly." She sighed now, sipping at her tea and eyeing me over her cup. Something in my expression seemed to aggravate her, and her posture tensed again.

"You just don't get it, do you, Leah?" Emily turned in her chair to lock me in her sights. "You're so busy picking yourself apart and imagining what you lack. Even when we were growing up you never understood how loved you really are. I remember how you always thought your parents loved Seth more – "

"They _did_," I couldn't help but interject.

Emily shook her head, her dark eyes flashing. "No, Lee-Lee, they didn't. It's just that you demand so much! People like Seth, like me…we're straight-forward, easy to love. We want the simple things in life and we're happy with them. You're not like that. You never were. You've never been easy to please, always wanting more, needing so much, expecting the best parts of everyone..."

She sighed again. "Maybe that's the reason. You've tortured yourself thinking Sam couldn't be with you because there was something wrong with you. Perhaps it's a lot more basic then that. When Sam changed, his life became so much more complicated. He needed someone easy, someone whose life could revolve around him, and you could never be that, could you? You would have tried, for him. And it would have ruined you both. Can you look me in the face and tell me you truly want what I have? To be married and pregnant at twenty-one? Waiting at the door for Sam to come home? Keeping his dinner hot? Don't get me wrong. I love my life. But you've always wanted out of La Push, to go and make your mark on the world. To be bonded to Sam for the rest of my days is heaven to me. For you, it would have been a prison."

I couldn't speak. Instead I stared over her head out of the kitchen window, gazing at the blue sky beyond. I couldn't find the words to admit it, wasn't quite ready to let go of the lies I'd told myself for so long, but to myself I could say it. She was right. Now, more than ever, La Push surrounded me like a cage. For almost two years now, I'd told myself it seemed so empty to me, like such a trap, because I didn't have Sam, but what if I did? Would it really have made a difference or would I have just resented him for holding me here?

Emily opened her mouth to speak again when it became clear that I wouldn't, but the words never came. From the backyard, there came a horrendous, ear drum blasting sound….the noise of metal grinding; ripping. We were both frozen for a moment, and then we heard the footsteps thundering up the back porch.

The back door was ripped off the hinges and dropped to the floor, the glass in the tiny window shattering. Sam stepped over it, red faced with fury. His shirt was ripped, a half healed cut running jagged on his shoulder. Metallic dust covered him and I cringed slightly, imagining what the Camaro must look like now.

"DAMMIT, LEAH!" He roared, fists balled at his sides. "GET OUT OF MY –"

"SAM!" I nearly jumped a mile as Emily shot up from her chair, her voice almost as loud as his. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Sam paused in the act of stepping towards me. His furious expression lagged into something like shock when Emily glared at him. "I can't believe you! Leah and I were having a nice talk and you come bursting into _my_ kitchen, screaming like you've lost your mind! Just look at the mess you've made!"

Her voice rose with her words, her eyes flashing. I watched her in near awe as she stomped across her tiny kitchen in agitation. I'd almost forgotten this side of her. Emily's temper was slow to ignite, but when it did her anger was unstoppable until it was completely vented, and woe to whoever was in her way.

Sam opened and closed his mouth several times before he managed to speak. "But Leah – "

" 'But Leah' nothing! Go back outside and let us finish our conversation in peace!" She pointed at the door. When Sam remained motionless she shot him an even more acidic glare. "_Now!_"

Sam's shoulders slumped. He turned, shooting one more baleful stare at me over his shoulder, and shuffled sheepishly past the wrecked door and stepped onto the porch.

"You _will_ fix this door tonight!" Emily yelled after him as he disappeared from view. She turned back to me, hands still on her hips, her face exasperated. "Men!"

I looked from her to the empty doorway, slack jawed, and I felt it then, building inside my stomach, bubbling up until I had to let it out. I clasped a hand to my mouth but it was too late. The laughter escaped between my fingers and soon I was doubled over like Jake had been in the yard earlier, nearly howling with mirth, tears flooding my face.

Emily stared at me, astonishment and wariness mingling on her lopsided features. "Leah?"

"I'm sorry," I gasped, holding my stomach. "It's just that he's so…so…_whipped_!"

The side of her mouth twitched into a small, then bigger smile. After a moment she began to chuckle too. The sound of her amusement set me off again, as if all the laughter I'd missed out on for the past two years had been stored inside of me and had to get out. It took us both several minutes to calm down, gasping for breath and holding our sides.

Once the laughter had faded away, a stilted silence took its place. We stood there, searching for words that wouldn't come. I took a surreptitious peek at the clock. It was later than I thought, and I began to search my mind for a polite way to make my exit, to neatly package all the unspoken things I wanted to say and leave them behind as my final gift to her, for what she had meant to me over the years.

"So what happens now?" While I was lost in my thoughts, Emily broke the silence. "Where do we go from here?"

I took a deep breath. "I think we've come as far as we can together, Emily."

Emily's face crumpled slightly at that. She waited for the rest, though I suspected she knew what I'd say next.

"I'm leaving La Push."

Emily closed her eyes for a long moment. When she opened them her face was understanding. "Where will you go? Do you have a job? A place to stay?"

"Seattle, and yes, I have a job waiting for me. A place to stay will come later. If worse comes to worse, I'll phase and sleep in the woods."

Emily was shaking her head before the words were finished. "You can't –"

I stopped her. "I can, and I will. I'll be fine, but I can't stay here anymore. It's killing me. I'm sorry, Emily. I have missed you every bit as much as you've missed me, but we can't go back. We can't pretend none of this ever happened. I will always love you, but I can't be what I once was to you."

As I spoke, tears once again welled in Emily's eyes and made their way down her face.

"I'll miss you." She took a deep breath. "I know you'll be fine. It won't take you long to pull everything together. But it's hard starting out on your own. You'll need things…furniture, dishes, bedding…I can –"

I was already shaking my head but Emily narrowed her eyes at me.

"So we're not friends." The determined look had returned to her face even as she swiped at her wet cheeks. "But we are family, Leah, and families help each other. I know you'll never ask for it, but that doesn't mean you don't need it. So I'll coordinate with your mother, and as soon as you've got a place, we'll be there to help you get settled in. You can choose to like it or not, but I'm coming either way."

I couldn't help the small smile that appeared even as I shook my head. "They always said _I_ was the stubborn one."

Emily smiled back. "I'm not giving up on you, Leah. I know that it may be naïve, even selfish, to ever hope that we'll ever have a bit of what we used to, but I'm going to try anyway. I want you in my life. I want my children to know you. I know it's a lot to ask but time is a great healer and you – well, you have more time than most. I can be patient."

Before I could even begin to think of how to respond to that, Emily stepped forward and gave me a lightning fast hug before I could object. "You take care of yourself, Leah."

"Yeah," I nodded. "You too." I hesitated. "_All_ of you."

Emily's eyes were shining suspiciously again. It seemed like a good time to leave, before this could turn into a real kiss and cry session. I nearly ran out the back doorway, but as soon as I made it down the steps, Sam appeared. He crossed his arms as I groaned silently. Not that I had any objection to kicking his ass twice in one day, but I'd really hoped to be on the road by now.

"Is it my turn now?" His words were dry, without the fury I'd expected, especially since over his shoulder I could see the mangled remains of the Camaro he'd torn himself out of.

I looked at him and sighed. "What's the point, Sam? You know everything I would say. I've screamed it in your head a thousand times."

I brushed past him then, but stopped only a few strides away, turning around. "Look, you're not the Sam I fell in love with two years ago. You couldn't be what I needed now even if you tried. I know you've been trying to tell me that for a long time but I guess I needed to figure it out for myself." I ground the next words out through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry I made everything so much harder for you."

Sam nodded slowly. "You're not the only one. What you said, when you left the pack, about me wanting Emily but not wanting to lose you…you were right. You've been in my life so long. I wanted to keep you there. I know I didn't make things easy on you either. Letting Emily ask you to be a bridesmaid, keeping the Camaro, all those reminders I kept throwing at you…it was all a way of holding on and it hurt you more. I'm sorry too."

"Thanks," I whispered.

He jumped up onto the porch, and turned to look back at me, waiting. I swallowed hard before I spoke, but the words came easier than I'd expected.

"Goodbye, Sam." This time, when I walked away, I didn't look back.

I'd barely made it out of Sam and Emily's yard when I heard the footsteps hurrying behind me. I sighed and continued walking as he fell in step next to me.

"What do you want, Jake?"

"So, you're really leaving?" Jacob shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at me. Irritation flared at his blatant eavesdropping and then his question registered and guilt set in.

I winced slightly. "I guess I should have talked to you about it." I admitted after a moment. "I know I made a commitment to you, and to the pack, and I'm still a part of it. I mean, if you want me to be. "

"Of course I do." Jacob gave me a sideways glance. "We'll make it work. We just gotta stay in touch – do pack meetings long distance and all that."

"Thanks." I smiled faintly. "Seattle isn't that far off. I'll make sure I have access to places to run. I'll know if you guys need me and I'll come back."

Jacob nodded. "Good." He looked at me. "What about you? You're not alone in this, you know. You need us, we're there."

The automatic protest jumped to my lips but I forced it back. For a moment I was quiet, considering, and then I grinned. "You know, Jake, there actually is something I need. And you happen to be exactly the person to help me get it…

**xXx**

The sun made its final stand before dusk, beaming blindingly golden rays all around the small yard that I stood in. I shielded my eyes from the glare, standing in front of the clapboard white house, as Chief Swan struggled with the ancient garage door. Jake stepped forward to help him but it was already creaking open, hinges protesting loudly.

A cloud of dust escaped eagerly into the sunlight and dissipated. I coughed the remnants away and blinked as the rusty red truck came into view. Chief Swan waved a hand towards it. "There you go. Hasn't run in months though."

Jake was already popping open the lid. I turned to Charlie. "How much do you want for it?"

Charlie looked taken aback at my words. "No way, kid," he grunted after a moment. "If Jake can fix it, it's yours. It's just taking up room here anyway."

"I can't do that, Chief Swan, " I protested, mentally calculating how much I could put into purchasing the truck and any parts it may need.

"Oh, yes you can," Charlie crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't need the truck, Bella doesn't want it now that she's got her Ferrari, and you'd be doing us both a favor, taking it off our hands. Besides it's almost like we're…" he suddenly turned bright red. "Well, we're kinda like family now, aren't we?"

I paused in my mental calculations for a moment, taken aback. Oh. _OH_. He was talking about him and my mother. Did he say _family_? They were that serious? And if they were, that meant that Bella and I would be…we could be…too choked with horror to finish the thought, I cleared my throat.

"Well…thanks, Chief Swan. I appreciate it." I turned to Jake. "So how long is it going to take to get this up and running?"

My question was answered by the deafening cackle and subsequent roar of the engine. Charlie and I both jumped back in surprise and Jake leaned his head out of the cab, grinning.

"How did you do that so fast?" Charlie demanded.

Jake's grin widened. "Wasn't really anything wrong with it, except a few conveniently disconnected wires. I can't imagine how that could have happened." His tone turned sarcastic.

I groaned. "_Edward_. What a punk. If I was Bella, I would have staked him through the heart by now."

Jake climbed out of the cab, raising his voice to be heard over the continuing roar as he walked back to the open hood to double check the engine. "Stakes don't kill vampires," he said, unnecessarily patronizing.

"Yeah, but I'll bet they hurt like hell." I grinned and Jacob laughed as he slammed the hood shut. Even Charlie chuckled, despite his obvious blanch as we strayed into forbidden topics.

"Try her out, Leah." Jacob encouraged.

Eagerly, I climbed into the cab of the truck and immediately, my nose was assaulted by an all too familiar burn. I tried exhaling out of my mouth, but the scent was too strong. I gagged as I desperately cranked down the window, and stuck my head out, relieved to be breathing in vampire free air. Gah, it smelled like Edward had practically lived in there. I'd have to get a smudge stick from home before I left and burn out the stink and bad vibes.

Jacob laughed again at my expression. "You get used to it."

"No, thank you." I made a face at him. "Aside from the stench though, it's perfect."

"Excellent." Jacob looked pleased with himself. "Race you back to La Push?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not taking that sucker's bet. Speed is not this vehicle's strong suit." I patted the dashboard soothingly. "Don't feel bad, girl. You're still special to me."

Jake shook his head. "You're talking to a truck. It must be love."

I laughed, then I looked up at the darkening sky, and panic set in. "I have to go. Thanks, both of you. I really appreciate this." With a wave, I backed out of Charlie's driveway as fast as my new ride to freedom would go and within minutes was blazing a slow trail back to the reservation.

I was jumping out of the cab almost as soon as my truck had rolled to a halt in front of my house. To my great relief, my mother's car wasn't in the driveway. If I packed fast enough, maybe I could be gone before she got home. It was cowardly of me, I knew, but I already felt like I had splintered enough of my heart as I could handle for one day. Another goodbye could shatter me.

My hopes for a quick escape were short-lived. Just as I hauled my overstuffed bag off the bed, I heard the sound of my mother ascending the porch steps. As soon as she'd opened the door, she was calling out my name.

"Leah?" Her voice came closer as I sighed, straightening my shoulders and resigning myself to the inevitable. The sound of heels clicked up the stairs. "Charlie called. Why did you want – " Mom pushed open my door without knocking as she spoke, and was immediately silent. We stood, staring at each other, as she took in the bag over my shoulder and the suitcase at my feet.

"You're leaving." It wasn't a question. Mom's eyes slid from the evidence of my departure back to my face. "Why?" The question came out in a hoarse whisper.

"I have to." I dropped my bag and crossed my arms across my chest. Silently, I folded in on myself, an animal that curls up against an inevitable attack. She would have expected more of me than this running away and I had no doubt she was about to let me know exactly how much I was disappointing her.

Mom took a deep, shaky breath. "Where?" Her words were terse, unemotional, in stark contrast to the look on her face.

I matched her tone. "Seattle. I've got enough saved up to get me by for a while, and I've already got a job. Just a waitressing job, but it's a start. I'll get something better eventually. As soon as I can, I'm going back to school."

Mom closed her eyes. "What about the pack?"

"I've talked to Jacob too. Seattle's not far. If they need me, I can be back within an hour."

"I see." Mom's eyes opened, and I was horrified to see the tears gathering. I hadn't expected this. Anger, guilt, disappointment…that I could handle. But not grief, never her grief.

"What about us, Leah? Seth? Me? What if _we_ need you?"

"Don't do this," I whispered. "Mom, please. I haven't been there for either of you for so long. This is better for all of us. Your life will be easier with me gone."

She locked her eyes on to me now, freezing me in her all seeing glare. "Don't ever say that. Say that you need to go, say you've always wanted to leave La Push, say you're sick of Sam and Emily being shoved in your face every where you go. Did you really think I wouldn't understand that? But don't put this on me. Don't ever say I wanted you to go."

I couldn't say anything to that except a shamefully mumbled "I'm sorry."

Mom exhaled a long breath. Abruptly, she ran a hand through her short hair, a nervous mannerism she'd done so seldom that I could mark every occasion she'd displayed it on the calendar of my life. She dropped her hand and sighed. "I knew you'd go someday but I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted to make everything better for you first, be there for you and get you past everything you've gone through these last few years. I wanted to take all the pain and doubt away so I could send you off free, with a smile, and I failed. I'm so sorry."

Abruptly, she reached for the purse that was still dangling at her side and unzipped it, pulling out her wallet. I stepped back automatically as she removed the cash that was in it and handed it out to me.

"No, Mom – "

"Take it, Leah. It's not much, but it's all I have on me. And this." She shoved the cash into my hand and closed my fingers over it, already removing her pen and checkbook with her other hand. She scribbled on the paper for a moment then handed it to me. "Put it in your account as soon as you can."

"You don't need to – "

"I do." Her tone brooked no argument. "I'm your mother. Let me take care of you, just this once. Please."

"Thanks, Mom," I mumbled as I shoved it into my pocket. "Look, I know you've tried to be there for me. I pushed you away on purpose and I'm sorry for that. I just have to find my own way now."

Mom just nodded and then reached out, hugging me tightly. "You keep in touch. You'll always have a home here, you know that." She blinked rapidly as she pulled away.

I could only manage a small nod at that. My throat was so tight, I couldn't speak, but she seemed to understand.

Mom helped me bring the rest of my stuff to the truck, making a half-hearted attempt to get me to stay the night and go in the morning. It didn't go over well, and she didn't push. I think she realized how long I'd been waiting for this. She did, however, get me to stay for dinner, luring me with her wily culinary ways. After she'd stuffed me to the gills with as much meat and potatoes as I could consume in one sitting, we said a quick, unemotional goodbye. My tears I would keep for later. I was my mother's daughter, after all.

Hopping back into the truck after the hour long delay was a jolting experience. The vampire smell seemed to be even worse, if possible. I ended up having to run back inside for a smudge stick. It helped, but not enough. I could only hope that the funk would fade with time and fresh air.

By the time I hit the freeway, the sky had turned azure. Driving at night had its advantages…with my werewolf advanced eyesight, the darkness was no problem and traffic was light. I pushed the truck as far as it would go, feeling my spirits soar higher and higher with each mile. I was going…I was _free_. I could do anything…go anywhere…Seattle was only the beginning.

I needed some music to go with my near euphoric mood. I hadn't realized what a nice stereo/CD player combo Bella had in her – no, my truck now. I felt another twinge of guilt for not insisting that I pay Charlie for it, but shrugged it off. It was probably a gift from her bloodsucker, anyway. I leaned forward, keeping one hand on the wheel, and dug through the bag at my feet. After several seconds I extracted the CD I was looking for and put it on. A beat later Janis Joplin filled the air. I cranked up the volume and settled in for the drive.

At first I thought the incessant beeping was part of the background music but after a minute, when the songs changed and the music continued, I realized my mistake. No, the electronic beeping sounded just like the tone that sounded when someone got a text on their phone. Except I didn't _have_ a cell phone.

I turned down the music, craning my neck and trying to find the source. After a few seconds of listening, I reached over and pulled on the cracked door of the glove compartment. It opened easily – much easier than it should have after sitting unused in the Swan garage for months.

Inside sat dust covered road maps, a stained rag…and a shiny, silver cell phone, brand new surface sparkling up at me. I picked it up warily and looked at the text screen. My own name jumped out at me.

_Sorry, Leah. Nessie made me do it._

_J._

Jacob? What the hell was he talking about? I was still staring at the phone when suddenly it vibrated in my hand, a loud ringtone sounding. I jumped in surprise and nearly dropped it as it continued to sound.

I considered ignoring it but finally, I pressed the answer button and put it to my ear. Might as well nip this shit in the bud as fast as possible.

"What?" I snarled. The unfriendliness in my reply seemed to be no detriment. Immediately a familiar, sped up chipmunk voice began to chirp in my ears.

"Leah! Daddy bought me and you cell phones! We can call each other all the time now! Thank you for the book! Are you in Seattle yet? Do you like it? Do you have a place? Daddy says when you get a place we can come and visit – "

I clicked the phone off, dazed by her rapid fire questions, and then irritation surged within me. This was all Edward's fault! Who did that pushy parasite think he was? There was a reason I was burning rubber on the freeway, trying to get the hell out of Dodge and as far away from his creepy band of freaks as possible. Did I really need a 'don't write, don't call' disclaimer when it came to his spoiled hellspawn too?

The phone went off again and I swore loudly. I rolled down my window, and after checking my rear view mirror for cops, I hurled the phone from the speeding truck. It flew across the lanes and smashed into a roadside tree. I watched in the side mirror as it exploded into a thousand pieces behind me, and a satisfied grin settled on my face. That should be the end of it.

Almost as soon as the grin had bloomed on my face, it faded into an expression of horror when I heard it. Somewhere in the cab, another cell phone was ringing. _What. The. Hell?!_

Abruptly, I jerked the truck to the side of the road and smashed the brake down, wishing it was Sparkle Vamp's face under my foot instead. With a muted growl I twisted my self out of the driver's side and crawled over the seat. Another search of the glove compartment turned up nothing. I made myself still, calming my aggravated breathing, and listened, closing my eyes.

Five seconds later, I opened my eyes and leaned over, reaching under the passenger seat. Almost instantly, my fingers connected with cool plastic. This cell phone was duct taped to the bottom of the seat. I pried it loose, leaned out the passenger side window, and hurled it as far as I could. It hit the ground and flipped impressively until it smashed into a large rock. The ringing stopped abruptly.

"Ha!" I grinned, pleased with myself. With that, I climbed back into the driver's seat, switched CDs, and was off again. The wind blew through the cab as I drove, ruffling my hair as I sang loudly along with Tom Petty. "And I'm freeee! Free fallin'…"

From somewhere above me, the ringing began anew.

"You've got to be _kidding_ me!" I nearly screamed the words as I looked up to see a third cell phone taped to the roof of the cab above my head. Swearing worse than I had since the third grade, when I'd decided to try out every bad word I knew on a girl who'd hit me with a volleyball in gym and ended up eating a bar of Ivory soap for my troubles, I yanked it down. It blinked up at me insidiously, the screen flashing as its annoying jingle sounded yet again. _R Cullen_, the Caller ID display read. Ridiculous.

The window was already down, and I was ready to send this phone after the others, but somehow I couldn't stop staring at that display. A moment later, I flipped the phone open.

"Ren? Dammit, don't you ever go to bed? I'm trying to drive here!"

Her high-pitched voice went quiet immediately. She hadn't hung up though – I could hear her slightly hitched breathing on the other line. Either I had hurt her feelings or she was playing me. I strongly suspected the latter. I had to admit, it was a bit funny.

"Look…I'll call you in the morning, OK?" I almost couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth. I hung up on Ren's enthusiastic reply and after a moment's hesitation, shoved the phone into my pocket.

OK, so maybe I was the world's biggest sucker. But what could I say? It was nice to be wanted.

**THE END**

_Thanks so much for taking the time to read Someday. I am thrilled to have finished my Leah mini-series but it's bittersweet because I truly loved writing her. I may have to revisit her…one day… (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? :D )_

_Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated._


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